Earning My Stars
by TheLostMaximoff
Summary: AU. What if Terra didn't sacrifice herself at the end of 'Aftershock' but another Titan did?
1. I'm Still Here

Earning My Stars

By TheLostMaximoff

Disclaimer: Don't own the characters. I haven't actually seen Aftershock yet but I know the basic gist of it. Also, despite what you may think after reading this I actually like Raven. R/R and cheers.

I can picture it sometimes when I close my eyes. It all just replays in my head like a video nobody wants to watch. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever be able to get her last words to me out of my head. It's because of those words, those haunting and damnable words, that I'm the person I am today. Not that it's any big change but it's little steps, you know?

Nobody ever said life was easy, especially me. I remind myself of that fact just about every day since it happened. Nobody ever said being a Teen Titan was easy either, especially after you've royally screwed up once and everybody's got their eyes on you, waiting for you to stick a knife in their backs again. I guess it's no big deal. It's definitely what I deserve for betraying them all and joining Slade. It still hangs over my head, the one stain on my record that I can't get rid of no matter how hard I scrub.

I'm not her replacement either. I know it seems that way but all of us know it's not true. Raven was one of a kind and I'll never be that good of a friend or teammate to them. In all honesty, sometimes I wish they'd turned me down when I asked to rejoin the team. At least then my head wouldn't be on the chopping block every time we go into battle. There wasn't much else I could do though. This girl gave her life to save the entire city. Pretty tough act to follow but she told me to watch out for them. What else could I do?

I lay in bed and think about it. I can still remember it as if it only happened an hour ago instead of a month ago. I close my eyes and let my mind do the seeing. The whole incident may be a video no one else wants to watch but it's a video I need to see. Sometimes you have to be reminded of why you're here and why you're doing what you're doing.

Whenever I watch it unfold again the whole scene replays itself in slow motion. The first thing I see is Beast Boy getting struck down by Slade. It should've been me on the receiving end of that blow. Slade wanted to teach me a lesson about respect. I was ready to take whatever punishment he had, the pain I felt for betraying my friends greater than anything he could dish out. Then something shoved me aside and I heard him cry out in pain. The next thing I knew Beast Boy was on the ground. That's when it happened. I thought in that moment he was gone, that Slade had dealt him a killing blow. I wasn't the only one thinking that. Raven saw Beast Boy go down and she let out this inhuman howl. It was like something deep inside her had been mortally wounded and whoever the unlucky offender was would have the unholiest of hells to pay. I saw her turn towards Slade and the fire in her eyes was something I'd never seen on this Earth.

The darkness came after that. It washed over everything like a tide. It was so dark I couldn't see my hand two inches in front of my face. I was trapped in that darkness for I don't know how long. I could hear someone crying out in pain and for some reason I thought it was Slade. On some deep level I was glad that bastard was finally getting the torture he deserved but on another level I was worried. If something could take apart Slade that easily then what chance did I or any of the Titans have against it?

I heard Raven's voice then, not in my ears but in my head. The darkness began to flow in reverse; sucking itself back into the focal point I knew had to be her. Her voice was strong in my mind but it was beginning to fade.

'Take care of him, Tara,' Raven told me, 'He won't understand why.' He wouldn't understand? To be honest, I didn't even understand what was happening. Where was Raven going and why did she need me to take care of Beast Boy for her? She was always the one who warned everyone about trusting me. Why would she trust me now when she had been right about me all along? I was nothing more than a wolf in sheep's clothing.

'Tell him I loved him,' pleaded Raven, 'and tell them all that I'll miss them. I still trust you, Tara. Don't let me down.'

"Wait!" I cried out vocally, "I don't understand." Then the darkness was gone and all I can remember seeing was Raven's lifeless body. Slade had completely vanished, probably sucked into oblivion by Raven's powers. In the end, Raven's powers were too much and they took her as well. I can remember staring into those pupiless, lifeless eyes and feeling a cold chill run up my spine and tears running down my face. Raven died on that day, died to save us all.

My eyes pop open and I find myself breathing heavily. The rawness of that day never goes away. It's pretty hard to find out that you're not very important in the grand scheme of things. She gave her life for me. Nobody asked her to, especially after what I'd done to them all but still she saved me and she trusted me enough to watch over Beast Boy for her. It's all too much though. What was my life compared to hers? Nothing. I was a tiny speck of dirt just waiting to be blown away on the wind. Why trade away your life for a tiny speck of dirt?

I suddenly have the urge to get out of bed and do something, anything to get my mind off the past. I wander down the hall and into the kitchen. My mind still won't wrap itself around what happened that day. I still can't believe I'm able to call Titans Tower home after what I did to all of them. How can they take a traitor like me in? How can they just forget the past and what's happened between us? I guess the big question is: when am I going to forget the past? I sigh, already knowing the answer. She is dead and I am alive. As long as I live that fact will never escape me.

I sometimes wonder what things would be like if I was the one to make the sacrifice instead of Raven. I should've been the one to go, really. Everybody would've been better off. It would probably be the only good thing I've ever done. At least I wouldn't have to have everybody watching me during training like a specimen under a microscope. In all my thinking I wander into the kitchen. The place looks good even after we had to have a lot of it rebuilt. Robin wouldn't say where the money came from for the repairs. All he said was that he called a friend and asked for a favor.

So let's see what's in the fridge that'll take a girl's overburdened mind off things. Ice cream, perfect. A girl's best friend during times of emotional crisis and then her worst enemy when she looks in the mirror the next day. Oh well, c'est la vie. I'll work off the extra calories in the gym. I grab the carton out of the freezer and study it for a few seconds. Most kids probably don't have to check every box or jug in their fridge. Most kids don't live with Beast Boy though. I'm relieved to find that the ice cream is neither non-dairy nor soy and reach into the drawer for a spoon.

As I turn towards the couch, I realize that the TV's been on since I came in. I guess in all my thinking I wasn't paying attention. Either that or I can just chalk up my air-headedness to my hair color. I grab the ice cream and my spoon and walk over to see who else is up to keep me a little company.

"Hey," I whisper to the still form sitting on the couch, "you awake?" Beast Boy jumps a little bit and then realizes it's me. Things between us haven't been that great since I rejoined the team. I guess it's pretty much my fault because I broke his heart. To be honest I wish he and Raven had gotten together. Maybe then it wouldn't have hurt so much to betray him.

"Yeah," he replies simply as he looks at me. There's so much awkwardness between us now. I wish I could make him see that I really did care about him. What I felt for him wasn't an act and neither was the friendship I had with the rest of the Titans. I want him to know that I really do love him.

"Mind if I join?" I ask him shyly. In a much happier time, seeing me blush a little would've brought a goofy grin to his face. Not anymore though.

"Free tower," he replies as he scoots over way more than he should. I sit down and dig into my ice cream. Nothing happens for a few minutes. The ice cream has a cold, numbing effect on me. It helps me forget, helps me to heal. Still though, there are some things that won't heal if you forget about them. Sometimes you need to talk.

"Hey, B?" I ask him, "Can we maybe talk?" I stare at him across what must be an ocean's worth of dead air. He sighs as he mutes the TV.

"All ears," he replies. Normally I'd expect a joke to follow that. I'd expect him to do something goofy like turn his ears into elephant ears or something silly like that. I remember a time when he'd do anything to make me smile. We can't go back to that though, not after all that's happened.

"Beast Boy, I'm sorry," I tell him, "I'm sorry for betraying you and causing Raven's death." Nothing. No response, no emotion.

"Yeah, I know, Terra," replies Beast Boy as he turns back to the TV, "You've told us that like a million times."

"I'm not telling everyone this time," I snap a little more indignantly than I meant, "I'm telling you."

"Well, you'll forgive me then if I don't suddenly jump for joy or anything," replies Beast Boy coldly. I flinch a little. A lot of people think that Beast Boy's just an annoying little kid. He has teeth though and when something hurts him his humor bites back.

"B, I had no choice," I try to explain to him, "I never wanted to hurt you, I promise. You know me, I . . ." The rest of my sentence sticks in my throat. It's such a casual phrase. You know me. You know me, good old Terra, always the one screwing everything up. Yep, that's me alright. Truth is I don't think anyone knows me, not even myself.

"No, Terra," replies Beast Boy as if to confirm my thoughts, "I don't know you." I sigh and turn back to my ice cream. Beast Boy goes back to watching TV and it's another awkward silence for us. I think about a lot while I stare into that carton of frozen, vanilla goodness. I never knew things would get so out of control. I just wanted Slade to help me and he did. I thought everything would be cool after that, thought that I could somehow manage to double-cross him and stay with the Titans. When the heat was on though I caved in and agreed to do what he asked. I've never been more ashamed of myself in my life.

"It'll never get better, will it?" I ask him as I stare morosely into my ice cream, "We'll never be like we were."

"I don't know," he replies truthfully as he looks at me, "I trusted you, Terra. I loved you. That was the truth. I never pretended like you were anything but the most important person in my life."

"I didn't pretend either," I tell him quietly, "I love you too, B, and turning my back on that was the most horrible thing I've done in my whole life." Everybody thinks I made a choice, thinks that I chose to betray the Titans. They're wrong. There are some times where there is no choice, at least not one you can easily see. Sometimes you get backed into a corner and you have to do things that will hurt the people you care about. Maybe there was a way out of that corner, an option I didn't see. I took the only option I thought I had but it doesn't mean I didn't regret it every second of the rest of my life.

"Tara?" asks Beast Boy, "Did Raven say anything about me before she died?"

"Yeah," I reply with a slow nod. I never told him what Raven said. Sure I told all the Titans that she said she'd miss them but I never had the guts to tell Beast Boy that she loved him. I don't really think he'd believe me if I did tell him anyways. Who really believes anything I say anymore?

"What'd she tell you?" asks Beast Boy.

"She told me to tell you that she loved you," I tell him, "and that I'm supposed to take care of you." I don't really know what else to say after that.

"I miss her so much," he tells me.

"Yeah, I miss her too," I agree as I take another bite of ice cream, "Beast Boy, can we try this whole couple thing again?"

"Maybe someday," replies Beast Boy truthfully, "but you have to earn it, Tara."

"I know," I reply as I close the lid on the ice cream carton and return it to the freezer, "You comin' to bed?"

"I think I'll just sleep here," Beast Boy tells me.

"Try not to get hair on the couch," I tell him with a little smile, "Robin hates that."

"Yeah," he replies with a grin, "G'night, Tara."

"Night," I reply as I walk back to my room. Nobody ever said life was easy, especially if you're a Teen Titan and you've got something to prove to the rest of your teammates. Nobody said all the choices in life were easy or that you never hurt people you care about. I know all that but there's also something else nobody ever said. They never said no one is past redemption. The road may be long and rocky but I'm used to traveling roads like that. Even if I have to prove how much I care about the Titans or how much I love Beast Boy every day for the rest of my life I'm still going to do it. I owe it to Raven for still believing in me. I owe it to her to pay my dues and earn my stars.


	2. Trying

Earning My Stars (Part Two)

By TheLostMaximoff

Disclaimer: Don't own these characters. I actually wasn't planning on taking this any further but I developed a plot for it and had a lot of free time so why the heck not, eh? R/R and see what you think.

The alarm clock rings at precisely 8:30 in the morning just like always. Robin's been a little stricter on us since losing Raven so we pretty much have a training session every morning now. Sometimes he runs this place like a military camp. Makes me wonder what kind of childhood he had.

"Five more minutes," I grumble as I roll over and stare at the clock. Nope, five more minutes isn't enough. I sigh and push some hair out of my face. I might as well get up, can't be late for training. Oh yes, wouldn't want to miss that. I sigh as I get out of bed and head for the shower. I walk down the hall and am greeted by the wonderful sight of a closed bathroom door.

"Almost done?" I inquire with a small knock.

"Almost," replies Starfire, "Be with you in two shakes of a glorthanog."

"Right," I tell her as I stand out in the hall in my bathrobe. It's not exactly the best place to be stranded when you live with three teenage boys who all happen to share a bathroom with you. Why we didn't put a second bathroom in this place when we repaired it is beyond me.

"Good morning, Tara," greets Starfire cheerfully as she opens the bathroom door.

"Morning, Star," I reply a little more glumly than I meant to.

"Something wrong?" asks Starfire in a concerned tone. I sigh. Starfire kills me sometimes. I mean she was the most enthusiastic one about me being a Titan, minus Beast Boy of course, and she still treats me like a real friend even after what I did. It's like she forgot about it all.

"Wrong side of the bed," I reply simply, "Nothing serious."

"I reside down the hall if you need an exchange of bodily organs," she tells me. It takes my mind even longer than usual to decipher Starfire's sentence into one that's actually coherent. Man, I really shouldn't be up this early.

"No heart-to-heart needed," I tell her, "but thanks for the offer." She nods and smiles as she leaves the bathroom and I enter. I stare into the mirror. Sometimes I look into that glass and don't recognize myself. Then there are other times when I look into it, see who I am, and don't like myself. Either way, mornings aren't exactly my best time of the day.

"So, who's up for morning training?" asks Robin at the breakfast table. There's a chorus of groans from the rest of the team. I have to admit that jumping around on a full stomach of Cyborg's waffles isn't high on my to-do list but a girl's gotta earn her keep.

"I pretty much figured that was coming," replies Robin, "but we've got to keep our skills sharp."

"Robin, I don't wanna knock the wonders of physical fitness," begins Beast Boy, "but even you have to admit we haven't had much action."

"BB's got a point," agrees Cyborg, "Think maybe we could just take a day off?" Robin stares at Cyborg as if he's speaking in some foreign tongue. Day off? What's a day off?

"Point taken," notes Robin, "but just because there's a calm in the storm doesn't mean we should let our guard down."

"I agree," states Starfire emphatically, "I for one do not wish for it to rain on such a lovely day."

"Alright," sighs Cyborg, "but you know I'm gonna beat you." The last of the sentence is directed straight at Robin and is accompanied by a smug grin.

"Yeah, right," replies Robin, "We'll see about that." I sigh again as I feel the testosterone level in the room begin to rise. Boys.

"Seriously," says Beast Boy as we enter the new underground training room we had built, "I could take you both on."

"Sure, that'll be the day," replies Robin confidently, "but since you're so eager to show us your stuff, you can go first."

"Bring it on," declares Beast Boy as he eyes the room warily for any surprises, "What're we doin' today anyways?"

"Sparring," replies Robin, "Terra, you're up too." Oh great. Fighting, practice or not, against a guy I have a crush on isn't the best way to start a day by any means.

"Uh," stammers Beast Boy nervously, "are you sure about this?"

"C'mon, B," I tell him coyly, "Afraid you'll get beat by a girl?" I can see his face redden a little bit at the thought of such a thing occurring.

"Fine then," he tells me, "but I won't go easy on you."

"Wouldn't expect it," I reply as the rest of the team clears the floor and retreats to the balcony overhead. Go easy on me? Yeah, right. When is he going to learn I don't need any special treatment? At least not that kind of "special treatment" anyways.

"One point for a takedown," explains Robin, "Three points wins. No excessive force or you're disqualified." The words, "excessive force", are said directly to me.

"Got it," I reply. Beast Boy nods his head. I can see that mischievous little glint in his eyes. This is a practice drill but to him it's game as well. He's already celebrating a victory, I can tell. Maybe I'll wipe a little of that cute smirk off his face.

"Titans, go!" orders Robin.

"You heard the man," adds Beast Boy, "Ladies first."

"Sure," I reply. I feel the power flowing through my hands. It never fails to give me such a rush. It's like I have an extra pair of hands and I can talk in a language no one even knows exists. The earth beneath my feet ripples as it hears me ask it what I want it to do.

"I'm waiting," says Beast Boy in an annoying tone. A swirl of small rock chunks float up beside me and suddenly surge towards Beast Boy in a straight line one after the other. Beast Boy morphs into a kangaroo and jumps to avoid what he probably thinks is a pretty straightforward attack. If I were the old Terra it would be but I'm not her anymore and I've learned a lot of new tricks besides smashing stuff.

"Is that the best you . . .hey!" yelps Beast Boy as he changes back to normal. With a simple mental command, the line of rocks turns to clay and coalesces into a long, tight chain before resuming its normal thickness. I flick my wrist and the chain changes course from a straight horizontal line towards Beast Boy to an upward curve. The chain wraps itself around him in mid-air, pinning his arms to his sides, and drags him back down to the ground.

"You okay?" I ask him.

"Yeah," he replies as he tries to escape.

"That's one for Terra," informs Robin, "She's beating you, Beast Boy."

"We'll see about that," replies Beast Boy as he changes into a snake and slips out of my trap. He resumes his kangaroo form and bounces towards me. I warm up a few rock missiles but keep them at bay. Sometimes I like fighting with my real hands almost as much as my special ones. Beast Boy swings his foot towards the side of my head. I duck the kick and move left then right to avoid some punches. I block another kick and step back to avoid the follow-up kick with the other foot. It's then that I remember kangaroos have tails and very long ones at that.

"One," I hear Robin decree as Beast Boy knocks my legs out from under me. By this time, I'm seriously starting to rethink my costume design. A little more padding would make things easier on my tailbone right now.

"Good?" he asks me as he resumes normal form.

"Fine," I reply from my position on my back. I sweep his legs out from under him but he turns into a hawk and flies upwards.

"Cheap," I call out playfully. A chunk of rock rises up from the ground as I hop onto it. I'm not big on aerial tactics these days. I kinda like keeping my feet on the ground, so to speak. I guess it gives me more confidence in my control if I'm closer to the ground.

"Alright," I mumble as he flies a few circles around me, "you wanna play hard to get? Fine with me." I throw a couple of rocks at him just to get him addled. Sometimes going with what you're good at is the best idea. Beast Boy can see that attack coming miles away though and he dodges the rocks easily.

"Terra," warns Robin. I know, I know. Excessive force. He knows I've been doing real well with mentally shifting molecular compositions. Those rocks only looked hard. I would've softened them if I wanted one to hit him. I turn my attention back to Beast Boy, who is now right up in my face. As an added annoyance, he turns himself into a fly. I move to swat him but he darts through my legs and gets behind me, turning into a gorilla and grabbing me from behind in a bear hug.

"I kinda like this," I tell him slyly as I float back down to the ground with his arms still around me. A little flirtation between friends never hurts.

"Maybe I could too," he replies as he turns back into his normal form, "Thanks for the company last night too."

"No problem," I reply as I suddenly grab him by the wrist. Robin taught me a couple of self-defense moves. I force his hand away from me and flip him over Judo-style.

"Two," I tell him sweetly as I look down at him. God, he has such a cute smile. He tries the leg sweep I tried on him earlier but I use my momentum and flip myself backwards, pulling off a back flip that lands me on my feet.

"Those first two were free," says Beast Boy, "but you have to earn this last one." He smiles knowingly. It vaguely occurs to me that perhaps this is more than a simple sparring match. I immediately shove those thoughts away. A few more chunks of rock float into the air. He resumes his gorilla form and charges towards me. I fling the rocks at him. He leaps over one and catches the other in mid-air. As he hits the ground, he hurls the rock back at me. It happens so fast I don't have time to react properly. I hold up my hand and the rock explodes into a burst of sand before colliding with me. The sand showers my face and I cough a little as I try to wipe it from my goggles and clear my vision. Thank God for protective eyewear. I feel something tackle me while I'm off guard and suddenly I'm on the floor with Beast Boy on top of me.

"Tag," he says cheerfully, "Speaking of positions and who could get used to them . . .." Oh now that was just a tacky one. Well, turnabout deserves a little fair play.

"Hey, B," I tell him, "Look up, it's the guy that made tofu mass-marketable!"

"Where?" asks Beast Boy excitedly as he looks up. I feel a little dirty for this but oh well. A glop of mud hits him in the face and in seconds I tackle him back.

"Changed my mind," I tell him as I lean in closer to his face, "I like this much better than before." He wipes the mud away from his eyes. He has these wonderfully green eyes, greener than grass on a spring day. Without realizing it, I unconsciously lean into what would be a kiss.

"Not ready," he tells me faintly, "You haven't earned it yet." I suddenly snap back into reality and pull away.

"I didn't hurt you, did I?" I ask him as I get back to my feet and pull him up.

"Only my pride," he replies with a sheepish grin, "I shouldn't have fallen for that last one. Wanna rematch?"

"After I have a shower," I tell him as I shake some sand from my hair.

"Don't celebrate just yet," orders Robin, "There's something going on in town."

"National We Love Our Local Heroes Day?" asks Beast Boy hopefully. I can't help but giggle a little bit.

"I meant something bad," replies Robin. I've learned that tone of voice and that look means trouble. Big trouble.

"It's those clowns from the H.I.V.E.," informs Robin as we all stare at the monitor. I don't see anything too threatening. There's a midget, a girl, and someone that looks like a caveman. Real frightening, I'm sure.

"Only three of them?" I ask.

"They've kicked our butts before," Cyborg tells me, "even kicked us outta the tower."

"And they had the nerve to alphabetize my CDs while they were here," adds Beast Boy indignantly. I roll my eyes a little.

"Yeah, that too," puts in Robin before Beast Boy can elaborate on the woes of an organized CD collection.

"So we take 'em to school then," I tell Robin, "Besides, last time you guys didn't have me." In my book, a little cockiness is never a bad thing. Hopefully, I have the talent to back it up.

"Let's move, everyone," orders Robin.

Downtown looks pretty much like a disaster area by the time we make it there. Robin gave me a little briefing while we were in the T-car. Jinx, Mammoth, and Gizmo don't look like much but if they can turn a city block into a war zone then it's reason enough for us to take them down. As if to punctuate our arrival, a lamppost explodes in a shower of glass. Jinx giggles as a pink glow engulfs her hands.

"Sorry, kids," says Robin, "Recess is over."

"Looks like it's time for detention," adds Cyborg as he readies his blaster. I put on my game face and try looking tough. It never fails to give me this nervous feeling in my stomach whenever we got into battle. Must be butterflies or maybe it's just Cyborg's waffles backing up on me.

"We'll see who aces this exam, snot bucket," snarls Gizmo as he charges towards us on his mechanical spider legs. Jinx and Mammoth aren't too far behind.

"Titans, go!" shouts Robin. I immediately go airborne just before Gizmo reaches us and tries to stab us with his spider legs. From what Robin told me, Gizmo has this mechanical backpack that's his main weapon. I lift a decent-sized chunk of pavement and lob it at his back. The chunk spontaneously combusts well before reaching him.

"How unlucky for you," states Jinx with a grin. Before I can move to attack, the rock under my feet crumbles into dust after one of her hexes. I let out a little yelp as I fall.

"Hang on," says Beast Boy as he turns into a pterodactyl and grabs me in mid-air.

"Thanks," I reply as he sets me on the ground and returns to normal, "Now move!" Beast Boy and I separate as laser blasts zoom past us and collide with the wall of a building.

"I've got him," I tell Beast Boy. I roll sideways to avoid more laser blasts from Gizmo and throw up a wall of rock around me to block one of his spider legs as it screams towards me.

"Don't remember you from before," Gizmo tells me, "but all you losers look alike anyways."

"Big talk, Mr. Vertically Challenged," I retort as the ground under Gizmo's mechanical legs turns to quicksand.

"Shop class is over, Gizmo," quips Robin as he suddenly jumps on Gizmo's back and jams one of his birdarangs into the midget's tech pack.

"Hey, I just had that upgraded, crud wad," whines Gizmo. His mechanical legs spark and give out. Robin rides him to the ground and punches him in the face for good measure.

"Get Mammoth," he orders as he flips to help Starfire with Jinx. I turn to see Cyborg keeping Mammoth at a safe distance with his sonic cannon.

"Got it, boss," I reply as I send a few hunks of asphalt towards Mammoth.

"Thanks, T," says Cyborg as Mammoth turns his attention towards me. I nod then pull my hands back as if I'm yanking on something. The ground pulls out from under Mammoth's feet and sends him flat on his back. Before he can get up, I turn the ground under him into mud and immobilize him.

"Rock 'n' roll, Terra," crows Cyborg, "Nice work."

"Just doin' my job," I tell him with a smile. My gaze strays to a rooftop above and the blood suddenly freezes in my veins. No, it can't be him. He's dead.

"Check the others," I tell Cyborg as I go airborne again, "I need to take a look at something." I don't bother waiting to see if he does it. I speed towards the rooftop and land quickly. The figure has his back to me but I can already tell who it is. The problem is that it can't be him. He's gone now.

"Hello, Terra," greets Slade as he turns to face me. His voice sends chills up and down my spine. His face is straight from my own nightmares. He's still alive somehow. Raven died for nothing. He's still alive but it only means one thing to me. It means I get to kill him, it means revenge.

"You're dead," I tell him.

"Now, now, little one," he chides, "You should know that, even if you are my apprentice, the master still has a few tricks up his sleeve."

"Never call me that again," I snarl in disgust, "I'm a Titan now. I'm not your slave anymore." I hate this man, hate everything about him. I can remember endless nights while I was in his service imagining what I'd do if I got the chance to wrap my hands around his throat. I have murdered this man a thousand times in my dreams and now it seems my dream will become a reality.

"Funny," he replies serenely, "That's what you said the first time I met you. You said you were with the Titans. Look how far you've fallen since then, Terra. Do you honestly think you can redeem yourself?"

"Shut up," I order as I fling some rock chunks at him. He nimbly dodges my attack. He looks like Slade, talks like Slade, and even moves like Slade. But how is he still alive?

"I see you have forgotten some of my lessons," he tells me, "No matter, once you're under my tutelage again I'm sure it will all come back to you."

"I will never serve you again!" I state coldly. I can feel the anger bubbling inside of me like molten magma. The earth below begins to quake with my fury. "I'm not like you!"

"No," replies Slade with an evil grin under his mask, "No, you're not like me, my dear. You're something far worse now."

"No, I'm not!" I shout. Below us the earth begins to crack and rumble angrily. Somewhere a large chunk of a rooftop starts to give way.

"Terra!" I hear someone cry.

"Your friends need you, little Titan," jeers Slade maliciously. Suddenly, he disappears before my eyes like a ghost. I turn to look and watch the broken chunk of a rooftop begin its descent. The only thing I can think is that it happened again. I screwed up again. I let someone else get hurt again. The chunk falls and I try to catch it with my powers but I'm too stressed and addled to concentrate properly.

"Beast Boy!" I shout. My effort is in vain. The damage is already done.

(Author's Note): Free time abounds, part three is coming up soon.


	3. Crying Wolf

Earning My Stars (Part Three)

By TheLostMaximoff

Disclaimer: Don't own these characters. This part is pretty short compared to the last one but it's a lull in the action so it seems suitable. R/R as always.

I'm so stupid sometimes. Ever since I was little I've had a temper and it always gets the best of me. When I discovered my powers, it was even worse because every time I would lose my temper I'd lose control and every time I'd lose control someone would inevitably get hurt.

I pound my fist lightly and futilely against the glass window in frustration. I stare into the medical room at Beast Boy lying still in a bed. Wiring protrudes from his body and seeing him like this, my fault or not, sickens me. Thank God his condition stabilized. I just wish he'd wake up.

The scene replays itself. Slade returned and I confronted him. Alone. He goaded me, picked at emotional scabs and scars until the wounds were ripped clean open. I got mad and then someone got hurt. Just like always. A chunk of rooftop fell and almost crushed Beast Boy. He wasn't hurt fatally but it was enough to scare the hell out of us and warrant an emergency trip to the medical wing of the tower. I can remember cradling his head in my hands and sobbing, pleading for him to please wake up. He was as limp and lifeless as a rag doll. God, please let him be okay.

"Terra," says Robin sternly as he suddenly enters the room, "We need to talk." I act like he's not there, like he doesn't exist. I keep my forehead pressed to the glass and stare so hard my eyes throb in pain. He doesn't have to tell me I screwed up. I'm staring at the proof.

"Terra!" Robin snaps at me, "This isn't the place for what I need to say." I nod and tear my eyes away from Beast Boy. Court's in session. I can't be late for my condemnation. I follow Robin out into the hallway with my head down like a whipped puppy. He closes the door to muffle the chewing out I know he's going to deliver.

"This can't keep happening, Terra," he tells me, "I won't allow it. You have to control yourself or you're off the team for good this time." I nod and feel my eyes begin to water. I failed everyone again.

"Look at me," orders Robin, "and stop crying because it won't get you any sympathy from me." I sniff back the tears and stare at him face-to-face.

"This team is my family," he tells me, "and God help you if you try to hurt any of them because then you'll have to deal with me. You wanna be a part of my family, then act like it and learn to control yourself. If you can't get that through your thick skull then leave now."

"I got it," I reply quietly, "Robin, someone else was on that rooftop. I don't know how but Slade's back."

"Terra," he says in a frustrated tone, "Slade is dead. No one else saw anybody on that rooftop besides you. You have your own demons to fight and ghosts to deal with but I won't have it cause someone on the team to get hurt."

"Robin," I try to explain, "I swear to God I'm not making it up. He was there and he talked to me."

"You were hallucinating, Terra," Robin states. God, why can't he understand? I want him to believe me, for all of them to understand that I didn't mean for this to happen. I'm not going crazy.

"He was there," I tell Robin, "and if you don't believe me then I'll find proof."

"If you find proof, actual proof, then I'll believe you," Robin tells me, "but until this situation settles down you're suspended from active duty." A retort forms in my throat but I choke it back. If I were the old Terra I would've fought his decision tooth and nail but I've learned to accept the consequences of my actions.

"Understood?" he asks.

"Got it, boss," I reply as I move back to Beast Boy's room.

I don't know how long I stand there and stare. I could be minutes, hours, days, or even an entire lifetime. The world outside this room has ceased to exist. He's my world, always has been. I've left him before but this time I can't afford to leave him. My legs are tired from standing but they don't matter. My eyes are tired but I have long moved past the point of caring. If I just stare hard enough maybe he'll wake up and be okay. If I just try hard enough maybe he'll love me again.

I mentally replay the fight again. He was there; I know it. I stared right into those eyeholes on his mask. It had to have been him; it couldn't be anyone else. At the very least, there was someone up there. I'm not crazy.

"You keep this up and you'll earn a spot in there with him," says Cyborg as he puts a hand on my shoulder, "C'mon, Terra."

"Can't," I reply simply. I'm too weary to say anything else.

"BB'll be okay," assures Cyborg as he gently tugs at my shoulder, "He'll be up before you know it."

"Not soon enough," I tell him. I know he's trying but some things won't go away if you just think happy thoughts and stay positive.

"Hey, I got that stuff you wanted," he tells me in an effort to change the subject. This diverts my attention. I had asked him to get me some news reports on our fight with the H.I.V.E. Maybe someone's camera caught a glimpse of Slade.

"Thanks," I tell him and manage a miniscule smile, "Cy, do you think I'm crazy?"

"Don't know," replies Cyborg honestly, "There were only three other heat signatures on my scanners besides us, Terra. Gizmo. Jinx. Mammoth." He counts them on his fingers for added emphasis.

"I know he was there," I tell him.

"Do what you have to," he tells me, "but we already have a resident brooding, reclusive detective. That's more than we need without you bein' one too, okay?"

"Okay," I nod, "Thanks again for the stuff." I take the videotapes and a envelope full of newspaper clippings from him. It's going to be a long night but I'm not going to rest until I find him.

"I'll keep watch," assures Cyborg as my eyes linger on Beast Boy. I nod and move automatically to the elevator. I stare at the folder and the tapes. There has to be something here. Something's going on here and I'm going to find out what it is.

The black and gray grain of the newspaper photo stares back at me. I squint at the picture so hard my eyes scream in pain. Nothing. There is nothing. No sign, no trace, nothing. It's like he never existed that day. Maybe he didn't. Maybe all this really is in my head. That opens up another can of worms I don't want to think about. Questioning your own sanity is the worst form of self-doubt because it involves questioning who exactly you are, your very identity.

I sigh in frustration and flop back on the couch. My glazed eyes stare listlessly at the blank TV and the stack of videotapes next to the VCR. Nothing there either. No footage of Slade, just like the pictures. I am drained. All the stress of Beast Boy and Slade and everything has completely and totally emptied my tank. I can't ignore the facts. What I saw was a ghost or a hallucination or something. Slade is dead and no one is to blame for my current mistake but me. There was never anyone responsible for my mistakes but me. My head lolls backwards and I stare at the ceiling. I admit defeat. Whatever malicious force that's caused this has won. I tried and tried and tried but I can't try anymore.

"Tara?" My eyes shift towards the sound of the voice.

"Star?" I ask. I can't speak the full name. It's all I can do to keep myself functioning.

"Tara, you must rest," she tells me earnestly as she sits down next to me on the couch, "You are no good to anyone in your current state." This almost makes me laugh out loud and I would if I had the energy.

"I'm no good to anyone period, Star," I tell her, "and as for my 'current state', I'm losing my mind."

"No, not true," states Starfire, "You and I must have the heart-to-heart." I sigh. What else have I got to lose? My sanity's already going anyways.

"I will make tea," declares Starfire. She gets up and moves to the kitchen. I idly stare at the clock on the VCR. Midnight. My mind wanders aimlessly while I stare vacantly at the glowing digits. They're mocking me, laughing at me. Time's running out on me. The others can only forgive me so many times. Sooner of later I'll be alone again. I should check on Beast Boy. I want to but my body refuses to move.

"Drink," demands Starfire as she hands me a mug. The hot liquid runs down my throat and fills me with its warmth. I let out a small, relaxed sigh. It's good to feel it run through me. My whole body was atrophying and dying without some kind of movement.

"Raven taught me how to make it," explains Starfire, "Now, talk to me about what has happened."

"I'm crazy, Star," I tell her bluntly, "I'm seeing things that aren't there. Ghosts, hallucinations, I don't know what. I saw Slade on that rooftop. He talked to me, manipulated me into getting angry. Then I . . .I . . .." I gulp down more tea to try and dissolve the lump that's starting to form in my throat.

"It is not your fault," she assures me, "Slade is to blame."

"Star, he wasn't really there," I try to explain to her, "I thought he was but it's all in my head. It has to be because nothing else says it's real."

"Do you believe Slade was there, really there?" asks Starfire.

"Yes," I reply, "but . . .." She presses a finger to my lips to silence me.

"If you truly believe he was there and not in your head then I believe you," Starfire states as she looks into my eyes, "because you are my friend, no matter what has happened or will happen." I don't know what to say. I've never had a friend like that in my life. Everyone would've given up on me by now. By now I would've given up on myself.

"Thank you," I reply even though it's nowhere near what I want to say to express the depth of my gratitude, "I just wish I could convince Robin that I'm not loony and that this needs to be checked out."

"Robin has . . .." begins Starfire. She pauses a moment to think of the right phrasing.

"Yeah," I prompt her.

"Robin has 'issues' with Slade," she tells me, "There was once a time when he was doing just as you are now with the newspapers, looking desperately for some sign or clue that would lead to Slade."

"What happened?" I ask her. I knew Slade had some unnatural fixation on Robin but I was too afraid of him to say anything about it.

"Before you," explains Starfire, "Robin was the apprentice. It was not by his choice and he won't discuss it but it happened." I let this information sink into my muddled mind. Robin, Slade's apprentice? Me, his replacement? Slade never mentioned it at all.

"Slade never said anything about it," I explain.

"I do not know much of Slade and I do not want to," replies Starfire, "but he does not seem like one who discusses his failures."

"No," I reply with a cloudy expression. I see now why Robin refuses to believe that Slade could still be alive. If I hadn't seen it with my own eyes I wouldn't want to believe it either. I'm still not sure if I believe it.

"Tara?" asks Starfire quietly, "Why did you betray us?" It's a question I ask myself on lonely, sleepless nights while lying in my bed and staring at the ceiling. Why? Why this, why that? Why? At the time I had a ton of things I thought were reasons. I congealed them all into a big pill of bullshit, swallowed said pill with a huge glass of delusion, and never looked back. That was then and this is now. My reasons weren't reasons at all. They were excuses and I'm done with excuses.

"I had a lot of reasons, Star," I explain, "but all they really were in the end were just excuses. I just made a mistake, a big one yes, but a mistake all the same and I'm truly sorry for it."

"Everyone makes mistakes," Starfire tells me sympathetically, "but everyone also learns from them." I nod and finish my tea. My eyes grow heavier as the warm liquid relaxes me, comforts me with its soothing embrace. I need sleep. There is a point at which a person's body simply shuts down and refuses to go on until it rests. Now is that time but I refuse to do so.

"I need to check on Beast Boy," I tell her with a huge yawn, "I need to make sure he's okay."

"Unacceptable," states Starfire, "You will do absolutely nothing until you have rested." She suddenly gets up and goes through the linen closet.

"Star, you don't have to," I tell her. She returns with a blanket and a pillow.

"Yes, I do," she insists. My body refuses to argue anymore. I give into my exhaustion and fall back as Starfire places the pillow under my head. It feels so soft and comfy. I feel like just sinking into it. Starfire pulls the blanket over me and I curl up under it.

"Thank you," I tell her, "for believing in me."

"You are most welcome," she replies with a smile, "Now may you have pleasant dreams and not be troubled." My eyes succumb to their heaviness. I blink once, then twice, and then my eyes finally close and I slip into sleep.

Starfire watched as Terra fell asleep. She still didn't know what to make of all this. She trusted Terra even after what had happened between her and the team. It took her a little while after Terra returned to the team but over the past month the girl had shown she earnestly wanted to redeem herself. It wasn't too long before Starfire had forgiven her.

"I must talk to Robin," she whispered to herself as she turned back towards her room, "He has to believe her."

(Author's Note): More to come! Will the Titans uncover the mystery of Slade's seeming return? Will Terra finally redeem herself and face her demons? Stay tuned, boys and girls.


	4. Mistakes

Earning My Stars (Part Four)

By TheLostMaximoff

Disclaimer: Don't own these characters. The POV is different in this one but it's for a good reason. R/R and it will all make sense.

He swore it would never happen again. He gave them his word, gave her his word. Robin remembered that day very clearly, the day they buried Raven. He had stood at her grave and promised her that no Titan would have to make that kind of sacrifice ever again, not while he was around to prevent it.

"I'm sorry," said Robin to himself as he stared at Beast Boy. Everything had changed on that cloudy, overcast day they put Raven in the ground. This was no longer fun. It wasn't simply go out, save the day, and then get some pizza. This was serious now; sometimes war even. In wars, people got hurt and sometimes they died. Not on his watch.

"Robin, I wish to speak to you," said Starfire quietly as she entered the room. Robin recomposed his face before turning around. He hid the anger and frustration and tried to make it look like everything was okay.

"Go on," he replied as he tore his gaze away from Beast Boy, "What's up, Star?"

"Robin, please do not act like everything is okay," pleaded Starfire, "because we both know it is not. You know what I wish to discuss."

"Terra," replied Robin as his eyes narrowed, "I did what I thought was best for the team, Star. I have the responsibility as leader to put the team's well-being first."

"Yes," agreed Starfire, "but she is also your friend or else she would not be on this team. You have a responsibility as her friend to at least believe her. You suspended her, Robin, but it does not mean your belief in her should be suspended as well."

"Star," began Robin in a somewhat exasperated tone, "The H.I.V.E's running loose somewhere in the city and Beast Boy's badly injured. I can't worry about chasing ghosts."

"So instead you pass judgment on her," finished Starfire, "You are not the Robin I know." She turned away, not wanting to let him see her eyes water. Robin turned and looked at his reflection in the glass. He looked the same as always: spiky black hair, ever-concealing mask, black and yellow cape, and red and green costume. No, there was something different. His reflection dissolved before his eyes. The hair turned into a cowl with laughably ridiculous, pointy ears. The cape grew longer and the costumed darkened. He stared at his reflection, now the image of the mentor he had left so long ago. He left because he felt unloved, unappreciated, and most importantly, not trusted. He had taken another vow that day. Never would he push those he cared about away. Never would he turn into that.

"Star, wait," he asked. Starfire turned in the doorway and looked at him with hopeful eyes. Robin stared into those eyes and felt something inside him melt.

"Yes?" she prompted.

"I was wrong, Star," Robin explained, "Ever since we lost Raven, I've tried to be a leader first and a friend second. I've got it all backwards though. I let this thing with Beast Boy get to me in the wrong way. I promise I'll check out Slade, Star."

"Thank you," replied Starfire, "but I am not the one who needs the apology the most." Robin nodded. He had been stupid, absolutely stupid. What kind of detective was he? He should've known that every potential lead should be given equal consideration no matter how implausible it may seem.

"Uhm, not to be rude or anything but why do I have more wires stickin' outta me than our digital cable box?" Where was that voice coming from? Robin turned back to Beast Boy's room and smiled. The little clown was finally awake.

"Beast Boy," cried Starfire as she quickly entered the room and enveloped him in a huge hug, "You are awake."

"Easy, Star," warned Beast Boy, "I may still need those ribs even if they are a little cracked."

"It's good to see you," said Robin as he entered the room and smiled. Beast Boy smiled back and gave him a high-five.

"So," said Beast Boy, "did we win?"

"Uhm, not sure," replied Robin, "That's kinda something we need to talk about."

"You can tell me later," assured Beast Boy, "Where's Terra? Is she okay?"

"I believe that is what needs to be discussed," explained Starfire.

"First thing's first," decided Robin, "Let's see if you can get out of that bed."

"Gee, and here I thought I'd get a day off," replied Beast Boy with a grin, "Don't I at least get some candy for being a good patient?"

She looked so beautiful lying there sound asleep. Beast Boy ambled slowly over to the couch and gently sat down so he wouldn't disturb Terra. He looked at her for a little bit. She was still beautiful. He still loved her but he was simply afraid of getting hurt again.

"No," she cried out a little in her sleep, "Stop. Don't hurt them. Please, no."

"It's okay, Tara," whispered Beast Boy as he stroked her long, golden hair, "Nobody's going to hurt you." Her hair was so soft. He moved his hand to her cheek and gently stroked it.

"It's going to be okay," he repeated to her. She let out a small sigh as his hand continued to graze against her cheek. He watched her relax and sleep peacefully again.

"She's been worried sick about you, man," said Cyborg, "I'd let her get her rest."

"Yeah," agreed Beast Boy, "Lemme tuck her in, okay?" Cyborg nodded. Beast Boy closed his eyes and tried to shift into a gorilla so he could pick her up. He grimaced in pain and gave up on it.

"I got it," assured Cyborg as he cradled Terra's lithe form in his hands. Beast Boy followed behind him as Cyborg carried Terra to her room and gently laid her down in her bed.

"She really loves you, BB," Cyborg told his friend as they both looked at her sleeping soundly.

"I know," replied Beast Boy as he kissed her lightly on the cheek and then closed the door as the two boys exited the room.

"So, about that fight with the H.I.V.E.," prompted Beast Boy as the remaining four Titans gathered around the table, "We kicked butt, right?"

"Uhm, sorta," replied Cyborg, "See we had it all good till Terra freaked out and . . .you know. After that we were too focused on you. They ended up getting away."

"Which means they're still at large," finished Robin, "and we need to track them down."

"There is also something else we need to check," added Starfire. She nudged Robin a little.

"Yeah," agreed Beast Boy, "What's up with Slade coming back anyway?" All of the other three Titans gave him surprised looks. Beast Boy looked around, "What, did I suddenly grow an extra head or something?"

"You saw him?" asked Robin, "You saw Slade?"

"Yeah," replied Beast Boy, "Tall guy, ugly mask, wants to kill us. Any of this ring some bells?" Starfire turned to Robin with a look that blatantly said, 'I told you so'.

"We haven't checked that out yet," admitted Robin, "and that's totally my fault. We're going to check it now though."

"All of us?" asked Beast Boy hopefully.

"You're staying here, little man," assured Cyborg, "You're still on the injured list." Beast Boy's expression soured.

"Star, you're staying too," ordered Robin, "Cy, you're coming with me and seeing if your tracking and scanning equipment can pick anything up."

"Don't think it can," replied Cyborg, "They couldn't pick up anything on Slade before. It's like he really was a ghost." Robin arched his eyebrow and thought for a moment. It was always possible that Slade had created some sort of device that allowed him to be undetected by scanners. Still though, with as many different methods as Cyborg had, it seemed highly unlikely he could evade them all. Then again, it could be someone else in Slade's costume. Unfortunately, Terra seemed certain it was really Slade and if there was one person she knew about it was him.

"We'll see what we can find," assured Robin, "Star, you stay here for now in case the H.I.V.E. attack us. They kicked us out once, I'm not letting it happen again."

"Return swiftly and safely," replied Starfire, "Everything here will be fine."

"Yeah," replied Beast Boy sourly, "I'll just go watch some TV. Don't kick all the bad guy butt without me."

Robin stared at the rooftop and cupped his hand under his chin. He rested his gaze on a pile of rubble that looked out of place. Terra's handiwork. Obviously she had tried a straightforward attack, which he suspected Slade had easily dodged.

"So that was where he was standing at first," muttered Robin as he tried to visualize the scene in his head.

"Robin, there's nothing here," stated Cyborg. Robin motioned for silence as he moved over to the scattered rocks and knelt down.

"You were saying," he replied as he swiped his gloved hand over something and then held it up for Cyborg to see. There was a stain on the glove.

"What is it?" asked Cyborg. Robin sniffed the glove.

"Oil," he replied in a puzzled tone.

"Refinery, pumping station, industrial complex?" guessed Cyborg, "Any of these seem possible hideouts?"

"Possible," replied Robin. He studied the smear on his fingers again. There was something else going on here. Why would Slade come back now, a month after Raven's death? Why not the day after or a week later?

"He's out there somewhere," said Robin as he turned his gaze to the skyline, "and when I find him, he's going to wish he really had died."

"Get in line behind Terra then," said Cyborg. Robin nodded and pulled out his communicator.

"Any news to report?" asked Starfire hopefully.

"Not much, Star," replied Robin, "We found something but it doesn't make sense."

"You should return home then," suggested Starfire, "We should not be divided in case of an attack."

"Alright," agreed Robin, "We'll sweep one more time and then go." He ended the transmission. He turned back to the rooftop.

"Let's get home," suggested Cyborg. Suddenly something beeped on his arm.

"Girlfriend paging you?" asked Robin sarcastically.

"Wish," replied Cyborg seriously, "I got three very familiar bio signatures comin' this way."

"The H.I.V.E.," replied Robin grimly. Cyborg nodded. Both Titans were about to move when suddenly an army of robot ninjas appeared.

"Guess we can safely say Slade's back," stated Cyborg.

"Yeah," nodded Robin, "Guess I owe Terra an apology when we get back home."

"A bit presumptuous, my young friend," said a familiar voice, "You assume that you'll make it back to your little tower."

"We will," assured Robin, "Right after I get done taking you apart."

"Pleasure as always to see you, Robin," replied Slade with a grin.

"Robin, I'm not getting a bio signature from him," stated Cyborg, "That's just really freaky."

"I think I might know why," replied Robin, "So what's the master plan this time, Slade?"

"Oh, no real grand design," assured Slade as he stood on the rooftop in front of the two Titans, "You see, my friends from the H.I.V.E. needed some fresh faces so I thought I could help them out."

"Yeah, like we'll ever work for them," scoffed Cyborg. Gizmo, Jinx, and Mammoth suddenly appeared.

"Oh maybe not as students," said Slade, "but I'm sure the school is running low on punching bags, tackling dummies, or other such items. Of course I expect to be compensated."

"Terra," guessed Robin as his eyes narrowed.

"And maybe you as well," added Slade, "I haven't decided that yet. You weren't as 'cooperative' as her."

"I'm not getting a signal through to the tower," said Cyborg as the two Titans stood back-to-back while surrounded by foes.

"Thank Gizmo for that," answered Slade, "The lad's quite the wonder with frequency-jamming technology."

"Guess we'll just have to fight our way out then," replied Robin with a smirk.

"Bet I can take out more ninjas than you," declared Cyborg.

"You're on," replied Robin, "Go!". The two heroes sprang in opposite directions as the robots pulled out their laser weapons. Robin rolled sideways to avoid some laser blasts and released a flurry of exploding discs.

"These things aren't gonna give us any room," said Cyborg as he grabbed one ninja and threw it off the rooftop, "Think we should take it to the streets?"

"Works for me," replied Robin as one of his birdarangs sliced the head off of a robot. The weapon returned to his hand just in time for him to move away from more lasers.

"Might as well take one with me," he muttered as he fired his grappling hook at the ledge of another building. Before swinging down to the street, Robin fired another grappling hook and wrapped the cable around a ninja. As he swung down, Robin jerked the robot off the roof and released the attacker from the grappling cable, effectively flinging the robot into a parked car.

"Figured I'd make it easier on you," he called up to Cyborg as a squad of robots broke off to follow him.

"Oh thanks," muttered Cyborg as he blocked an incoming punch by grabbing the robot's wrist before it struck him. Cyborg blasted the robot with his sonic cannon, ripping the arm he still held clean off.

"Booyah!" he celebrated, "That's what you get for using outdated hardware." His celebration was cut short as the severed arm he still held glowed pink and suddenly exploded, throwing him almost off the roof.

"Too bad you were too busy giving yourself a hand," smirked Jinx, "or you might have noticed your luck's run out."

"No fair," mumbled Cyborg, "How am I supposed to beat Robin's count if I have to bother with these clowns?"

"I wouldn't worry about that, runt," snarled Mammoth as he grabbed Cyborg by the throat and dangled him off the edge of the building. Cyborg kicked Mammoth in the face and blasted him with the laser concealed in the bottom of his foot.

"You two can fight over the tin man," stated Jinx as she somersaulted off the roof and grabbed onto a lamppost. The acrobatic witch swung herself upwards and perched on top of the post, "I want the little birdie." She gleefully cast a hex on a nearby car. The car suddenly started and turned in the direction of Robin.

"Oh great," mumbled Robin as the car surged towards him. He kicked the ninja he was fighting into the front window of the oncoming car and jumped to avoid the speeding vehicle. The car crashed into the wall behind him and Robin quickly landed on its roof.

"Okay, getting a little tired," he stated. The car underneath him glowed and suddenly stood up on its front end, pinning him to the wall of the building.

"Ow," groaned Robin, "Not a good day." He heard Jinx giggle and looked above him. A chunk of rooftop was about to crash right on his head.

"I got it," cried Cyborg as his sonic blast toppled the lamppost Jinx was on and stopped her from finishing her hex.

"What's the score?" asked Robin as Cyborg grabbed the car and moved it away.

"We're losin'," replied Cyborg as the other two H.I.V.E. members joined their fallen teammate.

"I hate losing," replied Robin. Both Titans sized up the opposition. The three H.I.V.E. members were regrouping and Slade hadn't even inserted himself into the conflict yet.

"Is it too late to retreat?" asked Cyborg. Robin scanned the area. He smiled as he saw something in the sky, two somethings rather.

"Not when the cavalry has arrived," he replied with a smile.

"Don't celebrate just yet," advised Slade, "Having all of you here means it will only save me the trouble of hunting the others down." Robin let out a gulp as the H.I.V.E. members came at the Titans again.

(Author's Note): Another cliffhanger. Will the other Titans manage to reach Robin and Cyborg in time? Stay tuned, folks.


	5. Redemption's End

Earning My Stars (Part Five)

By TheLostMaximoff

Disclaimer: Don't own these characters. This is the final chapter in the saga and boy is it going to be long. It's also told from the lovely POV of our heroine once again. Enjoy and R/R.

(Author's Note): There should be extra spacing between some of the paragraphs in this entire fic to indicate shift in scene, time, etc. For some reason it's not letting me put the extra space in.

For a second I look around and wonder where I am. Is it morning already? I stare around and find myself in my room. Wasn't I on the couch? I try to think back. Starfire got me a blanket and a pillow. I laid down on the couch and then I ended up here. I automatically move out of my room and into the kitchen.

"Hey, Terra," greets Cyborg, "Ready for my world-famous chocolate-chip waffles?"

"Sure," I reply a little hesitantly. I thought everyone was mad at me. Didn't I do something wrong? I try to remember.

"You'll need all the energy you can get," states Robin, "We're training today after breakfast." This all seems hauntingly familiar. A random thought suddenly crosses my mind. Where's Beast Boy? Suddenly I remember everything. I almost got Beast Boy killed and now he's in the medical wing. There was a fight on a rooftop. Slade was there.

"A pleasant little scene, isn't it?" asks a voice. I turn to find Slade standing behind me watching everyone else at the breakfast table. How did he get into our home and what the hell's going on here?

"Get out," I order him, "or I'll kill you right here." Slade smirks.

"You can't kill me," he replies simply, "I'm already a ghost, a ghost that haunts your poor, confused mind."

"No!" I shout, "I know you're real."

"Terra?" asks Robin, "Who are you talking to?"

"It's him," I tell the others, "Slade's here. Can't you see him?"

"Terra, Slade's dead," says Robin. God, what will it take? I grab my hair in frustration and almost rip it out. Won't anyone believe me for once?

"They can't see me, Terra," assures Slade as if our conversation was never interrupted, "Only you can. Now, where were we in our little discussion on the rooftop? Things happened so fast I forgot."

"Shut up," I tell him, "Stop haunting me."

"Oh but it's quite entertaining," he replies maliciously, "This way I don't even have to lay a finger on you. You're mine, Terra, and these little children won't keep you from my side."

"No!" I shout, "If you hurt them . . .." The ground rumbles with my anger. No, please not again.

"Stay back," I warn everyone.

"I don't need to get any closer, Terra," taunts Slade, "I'm already inside your head, your soul. Look at them, so blissfully ignorant. They have no clue who you really belong to."

"Please," I whimper as the ground grows more violent and uncontrollable, "don't hurt them. I'll do whatever you want."

"Of course you will, child," replies Slade. I look down to see I'm wearing the uniform again, the one I wore while in his service. It makes me want to vomit. The fabric burns my skin like acid. I scream and cry out in pain. I try to rip it off my body but the material won't tear. It's stuck on me just like I'm stuck being his slave. For a second I think that I'm going mad. Then suddenly, everything freezes.

"It's okay, Tara," I hear someone say. I look down to find myself in normal clothes.

"Beast Boy?" I ask. I can't see his image but his voice is everywhere. Everything else suddenly falls away and I feel serenely calm. Now that he's here everything is okay.

"Nobody's going to hurt you," he tells me. I feel an incredible warmth upon hearing those words. I can feel his arms around me, holding me protectively. I don't know where he is but I know he's with me.

"It's going to be okay," he whispers into my ear. I feel my eyes close heavily and I slip back into blackness.

When I can see again I am in a dark room and I'm seemingly alone. From what I can tell it is night outside this room. I can't tell if anyone is in here with me though.

"Hello?" I ask hesitantly. By now I'm quite certain that I am dreaming. For some reason this fact give me very little comfort.

"Hello, Tara," replies a voice. I haven't heard the voice in what seems like a lifetime. A patch of darkness fades as Raven stands before me. She still looks exactly the same. Her dark blue cloak envelops her like her own shadow. Her hood is pulled back and I can see her violet-colored hair and the gemstone on her forehead shining in the light of the room.

"Raven?" I ask. I am very wary now. This is the depths of my mind where nothing is what it first seems. Sure this looks like Raven but how can I be sure she isn't here to hurt me.

"Relax," assures Raven with a light smile as if she read my thoughts, "I'm not part of your imagination."

"Then what are you?" I ask.

"I think that's a little too complicated for you to handle right now," decides Raven, "Let's just say I'm here to help you."

"Okay," I reply with a hint of nervousness, "Uhm, how?"

"Well for starters," began Raven, "Whoever or whatever you saw up there on that roof wasn't the real Slade."

"How do you know that for sure?" I ask her.

"You can't get out of where I put him," explains Raven.

"Where's that?" I ask.

"You're a smart girl," replies Raven, "You can probably guess." Hell? Did she send him to Hell? For the first time I really start to wonder what this girl can do with her powers.

"So what was it I saw then?" I ask her.

"Beats me," replies Raven with a shrug, "Maybe it's one of those evil robot aliens or blood-sucking zombie clones Beast Boy keep rambling about." I giggle a little and even Raven cracks a smile.

"Hey, Raven?" I ask after a pause, "Are you mad at me?" Raven stares at me with an expression of mild confusion.

"Come again?" she asks.

"I mean are you mad that you had to sacrifice yourself when it should've been me?" I ask her.

"Things are how they are," explains Raven as she shakes her head with a smile, "I would like to ask you a favor though."

"Anything," I reply. I don't know what exactly I can do for this girl but I'd do it in a heartbeat. She's already done more for me than I could ever repay.

"Stop living in the past, Tara," she tells me, "Everyone makes mistakes. Deal with it and move on." Yep, that's Raven. She always was the rational one.

"I understand," I reply. It's stupid of me to keep wishing things were different. No matter how hard I wish, the past will still remain the same. If I let my mistakes hang over me then I'll just end up repeating them.

"Raven?" I ask her, "What's it like being dead?"

"It's a secret so I can't tell you," replies Raven, "Wouldn't want me to spoil the surprise, would you?" I smile and shake my head. Even though we didn't get much of a chance to really know each other, I'm glad Raven's my friend.

"I gotta go now," Raven tells me, "You're going to be okay, Tara." I nod as she disappears. I feel everything start to dissolve and once more there is blackness.

My eyes open slowly and I stare around my room. My room? I feel a sudden rush of panic. What if I'm just dreaming again? What if it's another nightmare? I look around and slowly get out of bed. I make my way into the hall. The TV's on. I can hear it even from here. There's some other noise too. Someone humming in the kitchen?

"Hello?" I ask as I enter the living room, "Anybody up?" Someone gets up from the couch. I blink in disbelief. He's up?

"What?" asks Beast Boy with a smile, "You act like you've seen a ghost." I let out an incredibly girlish cry of joy as I run across the room and throw my arms around him.

"Ribs, Terra," he warns me, "Cracked ribs here. . .don't squeeze so tight."

"Can't help it," I reply as I let up a little bit, "If I don't hold on you might leave me."

"I won't as long as you don't leave me, Tara," he replies as he hugs me back. I know in my heart that everything will be okay now. Everything's okay as long as he's here.

"I'm so sorry," I tell him, "I didn't mean to hurt you."

"It's alright," he tells me, "It wasn't your fault. Slade was up there too." I break the hug and look at him in disbelief.

"You saw him?" I ask. Even Beast Boy wouldn't pull a prank like this. Finally, someone believes me.

"Yep," replies Beast Boy with a smile, "and after I straightened Robin out I got him and Cyborg out lookin' for him too." His chest swells with a little pride. I may not be his girl anymore but he likes the idea of gallantly coming to my defense. I kinda like it too.

"I regret to inform," says Starfire, "but I was the one who mended Robin's crookedness."

"Hey, I helped," interjects Beast Boy. I see his manly ego deflate a little and can't help but smile.

"Thank you, both of you," I tell them. It's then I notice that Beast Boy's not wearing his shirt. His chest is most taped up but still it's kinda. . .I don't know what the word I want to use is.

"Uhm, heh," he stumbles as he notices me noticing him, "Couldn't get my shirt back on, hurt too much."

"Uh huh," I nod and feel myself blush. He's been working out more lately. It shows a little too. There's an awkward silence as I avert my eyes and try to disrupt myself.

"Tea?" asks Starfire, "I regretfully did not make some for you, Terra, but I can."

"It's cool," I reply, silently thanking Star for breaking the silence and keeping me from having shirtless Beast Boy fantasies. Starfire hands Beast Boy a mug and I accompany him to the couch.

"So, Robin and Cy went to check out my lead?" I ask over my shoulder to Starfire. I feel a little twinge of pride. MY lead, MY contribution to the team. I know I should stop keeping score but one more point couldn't hurt.

"Yes," replies Starfire, "Robin called earlier before you awoke. They have found something but Robin does not believe it is significant enough. They were going to return shortly."

"What about the H.I.V.E.?" I ask. I completely left them out of the picture. I've been so busy concentrating on Slade I left them alone completely. I stop for a second and run over my last thought.

"They have not been seen since the attack," Starfire tells me. Why would they be laying low? We've been so busy with Slade and Beast Boy they could be running rampant but instead they. . .. I stop and think.

"Call them back, Star," I tell her, "Something's wrong."

"What is it?" asks Beast Boy.

"Don't you see?" I tell them, "Slade wanted us to focus on him and on taking care of Beast Boy. Why else would he have goaded me into causing that accident? We pay too much attention to him. . .."

"And we don't notice the H.I.V.E. until they're on top of us," finishes Beast Boy, "You think it's an ambush?"

"Call them, Star," I tell her, "If I'm wrong then good but I've got a bad feeling about this." Starfire nods. She attempts to use her communicator and frowns.

"There is something wrong," she informs us in a fearful tone, "There is only funny, static noises."

"They went to the rooftop where Slade was, right?" I ask. Starfire nods. Already her eyes are beginning to glow with anger.

"Then that's where we go," adds Beast Boy.

"No," I reply, "not you. Please, B. I don't want you getting hurt again." He nods. I know he doesn't like it but I couldn't handle seeing him get injured again or worse. There's also another reason I don't want him along. I don't want him to see what I'm going to do to Slade. That's a side of me I don't want him seeing.

"Terra," says Beast Boy as I turn to leave. I turn and stare at him. I can tell he's worried about me. It's nice to know he still cares after all that's happened.

"Be careful," he finishes.

"I will," I promise him. I turn away before he can say anything else. It's hard sometimes. There are so many things I want to say to him but I can't because we don't have that kind of relationship anymore. I can tell it's hard on him too.

"We must hurry," calls out Starfire as we make our way to the roof. By the time we're outside, Starfire's already in the air.

"I'll follow you," I call after her as I take a running leap off the roof. A huge chunk of rock rises to me and I land on it with ease.

"Do you think we'll make it in time?" asks Starfire as I cruise alongside her.

"Yes," I reply, "I just hope there's enough left on Slade when I get there because after I'm done he'll wish he was just a hallucination."

The city block is a complete mess by the time we arrive. I have an odd sense of déjà vu as we approach the area.

"They're down there," informs Starfire as she points to where Robin and Cyborg are holding their ground. I watch as the H.I.V.E. goons charge.

"Let's take 'em out," I tell Starfire as I swoop down towards them. Jinx spots me first and lets out one of her hex waves aimed at my platform. I remember how this goes from our last fight. I flip off the rock before it explodes. The ground underneath curves upward, making a ramp that I use to slide down to the street.

"Don't tell me you boys had all the fun," I call out to Robin with a smile. My eyes sweep the area. Where is he? I want Slade.

"We saved you some," replies Robin. He turns and jumps away before Gizmo can step on him with his mechanical legs.

"You just don't know when to quit, do you?" I ask Jinx as another hex causes a car next to me to explode.

"Might ask you the same thing," replies Jinx as she cartwheels to dodge a chunk of pavement I hurl at her, "You're almost as good as me when it comes to making disasters." That one was low.

"Now, now," chides a voice, "I wouldn't be too harsh, Jinx. After all, she might be your new teammate."

"You," I hiss coldly as my eyes lock onto Slade, "are mine."

"Not quite, my dear," he replies, "I believe you have that backwards." I stare at this man, if he can be called that anymore, that I have waited forever and a day to take revenge on.

"Come, Terra," challenges Slade, "Show me what these pathetic children have taught you that I could not."

"They taught me how to live again," I answer fiercely as I charge towards him. I don't want to use my powers. I want the pleasure of beating this man senseless with my own two hands. Slade readies himself. He has no idea what's really coming. As long as his feet are on the ground he's playing my game.

I leap towards him and realize who's playing whose game. He quickly rolls to the side and suddenly my world is turned upside down. A huge arm the size of a tree trunk slams into my head in what can only be described, if watching pro wrestling with the boys has taught me anything, as a clothesline straight from hell. My feet fly upwards as my head reels back. I'm honestly surprised that it still stays attached to my body. I land with a thud and avoid falling on my neck.

"Afraid you'll have to have an appetizer," explains Slade although I'm knocked so silly by Mammoth I can barely understand and process the words.

"Tasty," growls Mammoth as he grabs me by the collar of my uniform and lifts me up. It takes a few seconds for everything to come back into focus and the stars to go away.

"Be gentle with our little butterfly," orders Slade. The name he calls me burns in my ears. Beast Boy used to call me that when we were dating and in more affectionate moments he still does. Hearing Slade use that word in reference to me is pure profanity.

"Maybe I should just pluck her wings off then," suggests Mammoth with a cruel smile.

"Leave her alone," orders Starfire. I see a starbolt slam into Mammoth and send him flying backwards. I'm unceremoniously dropped on my butt. There goes that tailbone again.

"Are you injured?" asks Starfire as she lands next to me.

"I'll live," I reply. Something inside me realizes that Slade is on his own now. That same something makes my body do what my brain tells it to do.

"Wait," suggests Starfire, "We will defeat him as a team." No. No more teamwork, no more waiting. This is my fight. This is something I have to do alone. I shake my head violently in response to her suggestion. I use my powers to lift a chunk of pavement.

"Slade!" I yell at him, "There's only one person in the world who calls me 'butterfly'. Guess what? It's not you!" I hurl the chunk at him. As expected, Slade dodges the attack. Good. Let him think I haven't changed. Slade leaps upwards over the massive projectile and attempts a flying kick. The ground beneath my feet literally moves me sideways to avoid the attack.

"Very good," he applauds as his other leg shoots out in a spin kick towards my head. I bend backwards and feel the gust of air as his foot sails by. He moves to punch me but a wall of rock suddenly appears between my face and his fist. Strangely, there is no crunch of bone as his fist hits the solid rock.

"This is pointless you know," he tells me, "I'm a much better fighter than you. Sooner or later I will strike you. You can't hide behind your rocks and dirt forever."

"I wouldn't talk about hiding," I return as I throw a punch at his face. He grabs my fist and squeezes it hard. His grip is inhumanly strong and I let a cry of pain slip from my gritted teeth.

"You haven't changed, Terra," he tells me, "You are still quite the novice." He wrenches my arm behind my back and almost tears it out of its socket.

"Give this up, little Judas," he hisses, "You belong with me, belong to me."

"I belong with the Titans," I reply as I reach up and grab the back of his head. I suddenly throw Slade over my shoulder. He lands on his back. I shake my arm a little to make sure it still works. Before Slade can get back to his feet, the ground he lays on turns to thick, viscous mud. Slade fumbles in the sticky glop as he tries to get back up.

"Let's try this again," I suggest as I heft a chunk of rock. I lob the chunk straight at Slade. He's so busy trying to work his way out of the mud he can't dodge the attack. The chunk hits him and sends him flying into a building.

"No comeback?" I ask as I approach him, "No condescending remark? How very unlike you." I savor this moment. For once, this man is at MY mercy. After all the abuse he has heaped on me now I will settle it once and for all. I grab him by the collar. A giant stalagmite takes shape behind him at my request. It would be so easy. He's wounded, won't give much resistance. I could just stick him on that thing and leave him there to rot.

"Go on, Terra," he prods me, "I told you that you were worse than me. Prove it."

"Terra!" I turn to see the rest of the Titans. I should do it. They'd thank me for it. He caused Raven's death. He almost got Beast Boy killed. If he goes to jail he'll just get out again and repeat the process. I should just end this madness right now. I want to so badly too. I want to but I can't. The team would hate me forever if I did and to be honest I'd hate myself to.

"No," I reply as I stare into the eyeholes on his mask, "You aren't worth it. You're not worth me losing my soul." I reach towards his mask. He's not getting off clean. If I can't rob him of his existence then at least I can destroy his pride. I grab his mask and rip it away. It's then that things reach a whole new level of weirdness.

"Not what you expected?" asks the voice. A mechanized man stares back at me from under the mask. Its eyes suddenly roll back and are replaced with numbers. For a few moments I can't do anything. He was a robot, a damn robot! I'm so mixed with emotions it doesn't hit me what's happening. Suddenly I realize the self-destruct sequence has been activated. I feel the strong cable of Robin's grappling hook wrap around my waist and suddenly I'm jerked backwards. A second later, the robot explodes.

"Well, that was weird," says Cyborg, "Somebody wanna tell me what just happened?"

"It was not Slade we fought?" asks Starfire with disbelief.

"No, it was a body double," explains Robin, "I should've figured it out sooner. Slade has used that trick before. It wouldn't be too hard to create a robot that was a perfect duplicate of him. The robot probably even thought it was the real Slade."

"But where is the real Slade?" asks Starfire.

"Gone," I reply, "He's where he can't hurt anybody."

"You're sure?" asks Cyborg.

"A little Raven told me," I reply, "I trust her." I turn to Robin, still unsure where the two of us stand.

"How'd you figure it out?" I ask him. Robin smiles a little. He loves to show off all these cool detective skills he's picked up from somewhere.

"Well, there was the oil Cyborg and I found," he explains, "At first I thought it was from Slade's boot but it was from him. Can't run a machine smoothly without oil. Then there was the fact that Cyborg couldn't get a reading from him even when he was standing right in front of us. That was just weird."

"You're right," adds Cyborg, "I couldn't get a bio reading from him because he wasn't actually alive at all. Why didn't I think of that?"

"Why would you though?" asks Robin, "We all already assumed it was the real Slade we were dealing with. It wouldn't have occurred to you to scan for non-biological life forms."

"I should've figured it out," I tell them, "I know Slade better than any of us."

"No, WE should've figured it out," replies Robin, "and if I hadn't been a jerk we would've. I should've trusted you, Terra." Robin extends his hand.

"No biggie," I reply casually as I shake it, "We all make mistakes." Starfire and I stare at each other for a second and exchange smiles.

"Home?" proposes Starfire.

"Home," replies Robin, "I think we're through for the day."

"See, I told you," declares Beast Boy, "How many times have you guys laughed at my evil robot clone theories? How many?" He looks back over the couch to the rest of the team with an 'I told you so' look on his face.

"Well, for once you were right," replies Cyborg, "So go ahead and gloat about it."

"I'll wait," says Beast Boy, "Hard to do the 'I told you so' dance with cracked ribs." Cyborg shakes his head. I smile as Beast Boy returns his attention to me.

"You okay?" he asks me. I never get tired of hearing him ask me that. I don't think I ever will.

"Yeah," I reply as he slides his arm around my shoulder. I snuggle a little closer to him as we both watch the TV for a little while.

"Hey, B?" I ask him, "Is this going to be one of those 'just friends' things or something more?" What happens next is definitely unexpected. It happens so fast I don't really have time to think about it. The next thing I feel is his lips on mine. He kisses me like he means it with all his heart and I return in kind. I've waited forever for this and I've walked through fire for it. No small little peck on the cheek this time. I get my reward in spades and it's everything I had hoped it to be.

"That answer your question?" he asks softly.

"Yeah," I reply, feeling deliriously happy and a little light-headed at the same time. His arm pulls me closer and my head, to weighed down by all the stress of the day, finds its way to his shoulder where it's safe and warm. I feel my eyes get a little heavy and I sigh contentedly. I've slept longer than I should've today but I'm still unbelievably tired. After your adrenaline shuts down, battling to the death is pretty tiring.

"I love you, Tara," Beast Boy whispers in my ear. I take stock of myself a little while sitting there on the couch with him. I have earned many things. I've earned the trust of my teammates, my friends. I've earned the heart of the love of my life. I have earned the assurance that I have redeemed myself. There's another thing I've earned though. Right now, it's the most important thing on my list. I've earned a nice, long, nightmare-free rest. As my eyes begin to close, I decide that now's the time to take one.

(Author's Note): Well folks, that's all. Hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I did writing it.


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